Frauenwitze

[XIR.croom]

muahahaha...best wedding-picture I ever saw.......where is the mother in law....muahaha

[XIR.croom]

[XIR.croom]

hehe...yes its a women

[XIR.commandfick]

Frauen gehören in die Küche, die Küche in den Keller, der Keller unter Wasser, und das Wasser unter Strom!

[Soulreaver]

Der hat gesessen Bernhard

[XIR.commandfick]

husch husch du hast in dieser sektion nixs zu suchen

[Soulreaver]

hrhrhrh denkst du

[XIR.Xanton]

Ein Vorschlag zur Güte... Samy, du kannst
gerne einen Männerwitze-Thread aufmachen...

[XIR.TDP]

LOL!!

The Difference:

NICKNAMES:
If Laura, Suzanne and Rose go out for lunch they will call each other Laura, Suzanne and Rose. However, if Bob, Charlie and Mike go out they will call each other Peanut Head, Godzilla and Useless.

EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives at the end of a meal comes they will each throw in £20 even if the meal comes to £22.50, none of them will have anything smaller, of course none of them will admit they want change back either. When the ladies get the bill at the end of their meal; out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY:
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item that he wants. a woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't want.

BATHROOMS;
A man will typically have six items in his bathroom: soap, razor, shaving cream, a toothbrush and a towel from some hotel he stayed at once. The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to name most of these.

FUTURE:
A woman worries about her future until she finds a husband. A man will never worry about his future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman will find such a man.

NATURAL:
Men wake up looking exactly the same as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate overnight.

MARRIAGE:
A woman will get married and expect her man to change, but he doesn't. A man will get married and expect his woman not to change, but she does.

CHILDREN:
A woman will know absolutely everything about her children, appointments, romances, best friends, allergies, hopes and dreams. A man will be vaguely aware of some short people living in his house.

[XIR.Xanton]

Hehe, nice one!

Nach der Hochzeit sagt sie zu ihrem Gatten: "Bevor es jetzt
mit uns richtig losgeht, möchte ich Dich aufklären. Wenn ich
meinen Scheitel links trage, bin ich unpäßlich, wennn ich
meinen Scheitel rechts trage, habe ich meine Migräne, nur
wenn ich meinen Scheitel in der Mitte trage, bin ich zu
allem bereit." Sagt er: "Ich will Dich auch gleich
aufklären. Morgens trinke ich immer 2 Whisky, mittags trinke
ich vier ..." "Aber Schatz, ist das nicht bißchen viel ?"
"Sei ruhig. Abends trinke ich eine ganze Flasche und dann
ist es mir scheißegal, wo Du Deinen Scheitel trägst !"

[XIR.croom]

---ich steig jetzt um von Martini auf Whisky

[XIR.TDP]

Steve and his wife Samantha are at a train station saying goodbye as he is leaving for a month-long business trip.

A few days later she returns home with her shopping and isn't seen leaving the house for a few days, this is unusual for her so her friends start to worry.

The next time anyone hears from her is a phone call saying that she has something really important to do and therefore, has to cancel her meeting for lunch with the girls.

Amazed by the fact that it had almost been a week since anyone had seen her one of her friends decides to pay her a visit. When she knocks on the door there is an immediate answer and she is dragged into the kitchen. They both stand there looking completely vacant.

Finally after about a minute her friend says to her: "So this is what has kept you here all this time?" to which Samantha replies "Yeah! This puzzle is impossible." Her friend asks where the box is so they knw what it will eventually look like. Samantha picks up the box and shows it to her friend.

"Look, it's supposed to be a tiger, this is all i can think about i won't be able to do anything else until this is finished!" Samantha cried.
So together they try to put together the pieces, although none of them seem to fit together.

Weeks pass and all her friends are gathered around the puzzle and still they cannot get 2 pieces together. Later that day Steve returns home to find them trying desperately to get it.

Steve asked what was going on. Samantha told him about the puzzle and how they all had been trying to do it for weeks getting desperate she shouted: "Steve,why won't this work? I just want it to look like the tiger on the box!!"

Steve just smiled and said "Look Samantha, just put the Frosties back in the box!"

[XIR.Xanton]

LOL!

[XIR.Xanton]

"Graham Bell und Samuel Morse waren wahrhaft große Männer",
berichtet Lehrer Schröder. "Nicht nur, daß sie das Telefon
und den Morseapparat erfunden haben - nein, beide haben sich
auch nicht gescheut, taubstumme Frauen zu heiraten. Weist
das nicht auf große, tolerante und fürsorgliche Geister
hin?" Meldet sich Peter zu Wort: "Ich würde sagen, es
beweist eher, daß Männer wirklich Großartiges leiten können,
wenn sie zu Hause ihre Ruhe haben."

[XIR.Xanton]

ndi ist neundunddreissig Jahre alt und im Unterschied zu
seinen Freunden noch immer nicht unter der Haube. Eines
Tages fragt ihn ein Kumpel, woran das liegt. Er erklaert:
"Nun, wann immer ich eine Frau mit nach Hause bringe kann
sie meine Mutter nicht leiden." Da empfiehlt der Freund:
"Weshalb probierst Du es nicht mal mit einer Frau, die wie
Deine Mutter ist?" Drei Wochen spaeter treffen sie sich
wieder und der Freund fragt, ob es Fortschritte gab. "Ja",
bestatigt Andi, "ich habe eine Frau kennengelernt, die wie
meine Mutter ist und ich habe sie mit nach Hause gebracht
und sie haben sich verstanden." Da freut sich der Kumpel:
"Und ihr seid also zusammen?" Meint Andi: "Nein, mein Vater
kann sie nicht ausstehen."